Modern long-distance romantic relationships

Does absence really make the heart grow fonder? Recent surveys suggest that long-distance romantic relationships (LDRRs) are rising in the UK due to a growing use of modern technology. 

The US-based Centre for the Study of LDRs reveals that almost one-fifth of 350 British university students surveyed are involved in LDRRs this year.

10 tips to make modern LDRRs work:

• Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship
• Consider communicating in some way as often as possible
• Avoid the temptation to control
• Avoid jealousy and learn to trust
• Take advantage of distance to cultivate individualism
• Be positive
• Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart
• Talk about your future together
• Remember the good times you have spent together
• Visit often

LDRRs are typically defined as intimate relationships between married or non-married couples who are separated by a considerably geographic distance.

Stephen Blake with over 65,000 copies sold worldwide, says that technological advancements has become an important factor in popularizing LDRRs in the UK.

“We have come a long way from the time when the only communication between long-distance lovers was via telephone or mail. Modern technology enables us to communicate with each other readily and makes today’s LDRRs easier to sustain and flourish,” says Mr Blake.

The current forms of communication frequently employed by couples in LDRRs include phone calls, Voice over Internet Protocol (ProtocolVoIP) programs, e-mails, text messaging, social networking websites and online games (e.g.MMORPGs).

CJun Lin has been in LDRRs for 3 years since he arrived in Sheffield for undergraduate study.

He says: “The Internet helps to bridge the physical distance like never before. Sending roses to my sweetie in Beijing can be done at the click of a button on the online florist...We often make video calling with Skype to share our feelings and comfort each other…I have confidence in our love.”

Rady Rana from the Sheffield Hallam University has a close relationship with a man she has never actually met face to face.

Miss Rana says: “I met Toni via Facebook…Facebook messages went to MSN…MSN went to Skype video calls…Destiny took its toll, as it does…We have become a really good couple and we are making plans to meet up.”

Modern LDRRs seems to have challenged the convention that physical proximity is the dynamic of intimate relationships.

Can Internet dating really meet what a couple needs to maintain their relationship?

“I’ve met many couples in modern LDRRs who started with happiness but ended in frustration if they had not taken the bold step to face the real look of their honeys’ life or one of them had tried to control the other,” says Mr Blake.

In fact, the key to successful modern LDRRs is not proximity but a true compatibility. The Centre for the Study of LDRs finds that the frequency of break ups in modern LDRRs is not greater than that in geographically proximal romantic relationships (PRRs). This suggests that our needs from romantic relationships are more emotional and psychological than physical.

Mr Blake points out that distance cannot, and will not hurt a bond between a couple which is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment and love.

He also offers 10 pieces of advice to make modern LDRRs work.

by Jiawen Zhou